In August, I mailed out my bi-annual newsletter to my current client base. It included an article about the importance of developing supportive relationships – both having and giving support.
One of my favourite TV programmes at the moment is ‘The Secret Millionaire’ on Channel 4. Recently one of the under-cover millionaires volunteered to work with homeless people in London. He wanted to know what had happened to them to make them homeless. He discovered that their experiences weren’t that different from anyone elses – getting divorced, losing a job, having an arguement with their parents, getting into debt etc. The millionaire concluded that the only difference between those that became homeless and those that came through more successfully, was having a support network of familly, friends or organisation, such as a church. A powerfull testimony to the importance of creating and maintaining connections with other people, in mutually caring relationships.
The other side of this coin is the matter of ending or minimising contact with people who are not caring or supportive. The subject of letting go is often a popular one in therapeutic or spiritual circles. Christians advise “let go and let God”. Buddhists advise letting go of the illusion of the material world. Letting go can be very tough, especially if you don’t have much to hold onto in the first place.
One of my clients was reflecting on the people she knew who would not do anything to help themselves to have a better life. They seemed to plod along in a mediocre life, fearfull and mistrustful of anything new, hard for them to understand or costing them money. As a therapist I find this paticularly sad, knowing there are so many opportunities for help in our world today. One of the hardest things to do is to stand back and let someone be as they are, when you see them going down into deeper debt, ill health or damaging relationships.
Connections and disconnections are an essential part of growth and development. I believe we are destined to move from our familly of origin into our spiritual familly, as we mature into the fullness of who we were created to be. At this gibbous moon phase, it is the time of overcoming the shadow of that which prevents us coming to fullness of potential. Letting go of relationships that are perhaps disrespectful, manipulative, bullying, draining or belittleing, can be much easier if you have new ones that are respectful, open, valueing, empowering and appreciative. Seek out genuine good friends, a warm hearted therapist, a spirit filled church or an encourageing group with a similar interest. Sometimes we need to overcome the shadow of past relationships, in the light of newer and healthier ones.
Corrina
